bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
NoShamevember. You game?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
