How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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