just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
farters have to be the big spoon...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
