it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
