He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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