I will die if light touches me.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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