Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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