You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
