Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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