After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
