Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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