I heard we made out
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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