I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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