I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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