I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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