We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
