"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
