sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
