Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
