I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
