Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
