Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
