So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
