I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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