SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
not ubering you a puppy
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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