Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I think I died a long time ago.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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