i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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