i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
