I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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