It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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