My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
