tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
is that a dick in a sweater?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
