i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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