walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
