Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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