How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
