Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
