i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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