did you get engaged???
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
