Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize