woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
