I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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