I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
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