you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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