Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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