a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
