She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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