Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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