You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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