Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
