So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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