wakey wakey hands off snakey
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
40s are totally the cure
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
