The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
