Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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