So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
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My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
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Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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