I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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