Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
