I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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