but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
