that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
