I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
3 2 1 whiskey
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Success! We fucked roommates!
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
