I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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