i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
