Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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