Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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