you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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