There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
