you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
