So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
