so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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