Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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