Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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