I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
accomplished twins. life is a go
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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