apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
