I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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